


One Step Closer

by TherapyBard



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [6]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Caleb Widogast Deserves Nice Things, Caleb Widogast Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Caleb's love language is interior design, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mighty Nein as Family, Past Child Abuse, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Loathing Caleb Widogast, Spoilers for episode 111, They all love each other so fucking much, Warning: Trent Ikithon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:49:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26687704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TherapyBard/pseuds/TherapyBard
Summary: The team gets curious about Caleb's room at the tower and take things into their own hands. Their investigation leads to an upsetting but necessary discovery.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Caleb Widogast, Caduceus Clay & Caleb Widogast, Caleb Widogast & Yasha, Fjord & Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre & Caleb Widogast, Nott | Veth Brenatto & Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Caleb Widogast, Yeza Brenatto/Nott | Veth Brenatto
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1942036
Comments: 15
Kudos: 215
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	One Step Closer

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Discussion of past trauma (child abuse, brainwashing, human experimentation), internalized victim blaming  
> This was written for the Bad Things Happen Bingo prompt: Wiping the Other’s Tears Away. It takes place at a nebulous point in the future where the M9 has some downtime to relax, enjoy the tower, and let the Brenotto's have some quality time together.

Veth woke up fully rested in a comfortable bed. Both were rarities for her, so she took the time to savor it. Still only half awake, she reached over to the other side of the bed to cuddle with her husband. She patted to empty air a few times before opening her eyes.

“Someone slept in late,” Yeza said, already in the middle of getting dressed. Nott sat up. “It’s fine, you don’t have to get up.”

“Too late!” Veth bolted out of bed and started hurriedly throwing her clothes on.

Yeza smiled as he put his pants on. “If you’re trying to race me, I’m afraid I already got a pretty good head sta-.” He looked up from buckling his pants to find Veth already standing in front of him in her yellow dress and button necklace.

She handed him his belt. “I win!” Yeza finished getting ready before giving his wife a kiss on the cheek. “Breakfast time!”

The two of them collected Luc before floating their way down to the dining hall. Beau and Jester were already eating together. “Morning!” Jester said as she stuck a cinnamon roll in her mouth. “Want one?”

Luc ran over to grab a pastry as Veth and Yeza gave their orders to the room’s various cat butlers. Beau, who had already finished her meal, put one on a napkin and handed it to a cat. “Give this to Caleb. Do not tell him it’s from me, got it? If you do I swear I will dropkick you to the astral plane.” The cat ran off, seemingly unconcerned by the violent threat.

“Aw, that’s so sweet!” Jester said.

Yeza sat down in front of them. “Threatening to kill one of Caleb’s cats or the pastry thing?” Jester shrugged.

“It’s nothing, really,” Beau said. “I was just thinking about how I haven’t seen Caleb in here for a while.”

“He’s always in the library,” Veth said before chowing down on the assortment of meats the cats had brought for her.

“I know, but does it seem weird to anyone else that Caleb made this whole fucking tower for us and we never really get to hang out with him in it? It’s like, ‘hey, here’s this whole fucking tower I spend months on. Have fun. I’m gonna go hide in the library forever.’ I don’t know, man. It’s kinda weird.”

“I think it’s weirder that we never got to see his room,” Jester said.

“Right? We all got to see each other's rooms. What’s so special about his?”

“It’s Caleb’s. That’s what’s special.” Veth crossed her arms. “If Caleb wants to be cool and mysterious, he should get to be cool and mysterious.”

“I’m not saying we break in. I just want to know what’s in there. Are there millions of cat statues? A sex dungeon? Plans for world domination?”

Yeza covered Luc’s ears. “Can we not talk about that in front of the kid, please?”

Jester tilted her head. “What? World domination? The Traveler and I have been talking about that for a long time. I don’t know why you’re worried.”

He frowned. “No, I mean… Nevermind.” Veth gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Anyway, Veth, looks like we have a new case. We’ve gotta find out what’s in Caleb’s room!”

“Well, I don’t…” Jester pouted at her. “Oh, you know I can’t turn down a case. What should we do first?”

Yeza sighed. “Before invading your friend’s privacy, can you at least ask him first?”

“Yeza! You're a natural!” Veth pulled him into a hug. “Cats, go find Caleb.” 

A siamese cat that had previously been collecting dirty plates rushed off towards the library. He returned with Caleb a few minutes later. “What’s happening? Is Veth okay?”

“I’m right here!”

He sighed. “Good. I had assumed the worst when you sent a cat rather than use the wire.”

“Nah, this was more fun,” Jester said. She held out a bear claw for Caleb. “Want one?”

“No, but thank you. That first pastry was plenty. Thank you. Did you need me for something?”

Beau leaned back in her chair and put her feet on the table. “We wanna know what’s up with your room.” A cat holding a cloth in her mouth ran over and attempted to get it between the table and Beau’s shoes. Beau reluctantly allowed it.

“What about my room? It is my room. You all have no reason to see it.”

“We all got to see each other’s rooms,” Veth said. She’d already finished her breakfast and began braiding her hair.

“Ja, but that was the tour. My room is not part of the tour. It is… personal. Private.”

“... Caleb, you know I will always support you with everything you do and if you want to be cool and mysterious, I’m fine with that, but now I’m super curious and need to see your room.”

Caleb blushed. “I had not expected this, though I suppose I should have, knowing your curiosity. I’m sorry, friend, but I have no intention of showing my room to anyone. I’m going to go back to my work. Goodbye.”

‘Wait, don’t-!” He left before Jester could finish her sentence. “Rude…”

“Okay, that didn’t work. What’s the next plan?” Beau asked.

“I can ask the Traveler?”

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Yeza said. “I don’t know Caleb as well as you all do, but I’m very grateful for what he’s done to help Veth so it feels wrong to invade his privacy like this.”

Veth nodded. “Yeah. You know I’m also for invading people’s privacy, but Caleb just asked us not to.”

“Okay, but literally all I have to do is use my divine intervention thingy to ask the Traveler ‘Hey, show me Caleb’s room, please,’ and then I might be able to see it.”

Veth bit her lip in consideration before smiling wide. “Okay, but if this doesn’t work then we’ll stop.”

Yeza sighed. “Alright. If you think it’s a good idea, go for it.”

“Yay! Just give me a bit to set up.” Jester got up, leaving her pastries behind. The ritual was ready within a few minutes. “Hey, Traveler. It’s me, Jester. My friends and I are really curious about where Caleb’s been sleeping, cause he’s been really secretive and stuff. Thank you!” A few seconds went by before she started clapping. “It actually worked!”

Veth’s heart broke as Jester’s expression went from excitement to confusion to panic. “What? What are you seeing?”

She snapped out of it with a jolt. “Caleb!” She ran out of the room and Beau quickly followed after her.

“Go after them,” Yeza said. “I’ve got Luc.”

She did so, making it to the second floor just in time to see Jester call Caleb’s name once more and pull him into a hug. “What was that? Why would you do that?”

“I… Um…” Caleb made eye contact with Veth, a clear cry for help.

“What’s going on?” Fjord walked over from the table he’d been sitting at with the rest of the team. The others quickly followed suit.

Jester let go and wiped tears from her eyes. “I asked the Traveler to show me where you’ve been sleeping because we got curious and stuff and he showed me and I don’t… You were sleeping in this chair with straps on it. I couldn’t really see anything, but it didn’t look comfy. It looked really sad.”

Caleb pinched the bridge of his nose and sat back down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to see that. It’s… personal.”

“Wait, your room only has a chair? No bed?” Yasha asked.

“No, that is not my room. It’s just… where I sleep.”

“But why? What is it?” Caleb shook his head, eyes staring down at the table.

“Caleb?” Veth walked up and took his hand. “Can you show us? I think we need to see.”

“Ja, I can… I’ll show you.” With a blank expression, he pulled his hand away and led the group to his and Veth’s floor. Veth fought tears the whole way. ‘How did it take this long to see that my boy is hurting. I knew he was struggling, but this is way worse.’ Fjord put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze.

Caleb mumbled a few words in Zemnian by his door. It slid open, revealing a disturbingly plain room. Average described the room perfectly. The amber walls were the only obvious sign of personalization. Everything else looked just like a standard inn. Veth sat down on the bed. ‘At least it’s as comfy as mine. At least he gave himself that.’

“As you can see, the room is functional,” Caleb said. He moved to the side of the room as the others entered.

“You have been working on this for months, right?” Caduceus asked. Caleb nodded while rubbing his arms. “And you didn’t spend any of that time making something for yourself?”

“This was a gift for you all. I am by no means lacking, so there is no need for you all to worry.”

“Caleb…” Jester went to take Caleb’s hand, but he pulled away.

“You’ve seen what you wished to see. If you do not need anything else, please-”

“We need to see that other room,” Fjord cut him off. “I wanna know what’s been going on. Obviously, we’ve been missing some red flags from you because you’re clearly not okay.”

“I am no less okay today than I have been for the last 16 years.”

“Please,” Yasha said. “I think it will help.”

He sighed. “If you all insist, then let’s go.” He left. The rest of the group followed soon after, with Caduceus taking Veth’s hand and Beau taking Jester’s. 

Caleb muttered another Zemnian phrase which caused the ceiling to open. Another floor revealed itself. “It is this one.” He opened door number six of nine. 

The interior made Veth gasp. While Caleb would never describe anything from his past with much detail, the trays of refined residuum painted a clear picture. “This is where… This is where he…” She looked back up at him.

Caleb let out a shuddering breath. “Ja….”

Beau picked up some of the residuum. “What the fuck? Why the fuck would you do this?”

“I don’t want to have this conversation here.”

“But you wanted to sleep here?” Caduceus tried to put his hand on her shoulder but she slapped it away. “No, this is bullshit. What the actual fuck made you want to make this? And what’s in the other rooms? Is it more masochistic bullshit?”

“Calm down, Beau. Please.” Yasha took her hand again. “If Caleb doesn’t want to have this conversation here, then he doesn’t have to. Let’s go to the library.”

“Good idea.” Fjord stepped out of the doorway and gestured for everyone to leave. Beau was the last to do so, giving one last pained glance at the residuum before following everyone out.

“Oh! There you… are…” Yeza sat up from one of the couches in the library. “I was wondering where everyone went. Did something happen?” He made eye contact with Veth and almost gasped at her. “Veth, are you-” She shook her head. ‘Don’t make this about me. I’m fine. My boy needs help.’ She wiped the tears from her eyes and gave him the biggest smile she could muster. He knelt down in front of Luc. “You remember how to get to our room, right? Why don’t you go play with those wonderful toys Caleb made for you?” Luc nodded and ran off.

Caleb sunk down in a chair before calling one of the cats over. “Go look after Luc for us, okay? Get us if anything happens. Make sure he doesn’t eat too many sweets.” The cat ran off.

The rest of the Mighty Nein sat down as well. Fjord took the seat next to Caleb. Yeza and Veth sat next to each other, with the former desperately attempting to stealthily comfort the latter. “You wanna tell us what’s up with that room?” Fjord asked.

“I… I do not understand why this is important to you all.”

“If you thought that, then why did you keep it from us?” Caduceus asked.

“Because I knew you would react like this. I don’t know why, but I knew that you would. It does not harm you. It does not harm me. As long as that remains the case, what does it matter? Who cares if I put a bit of my past here in my tower?”

Beau clenched her fist. “Who cares? Who cares? I care! What’s next? Are you gonna add a mural of Fjord’s ship sinking to his room? Add a drowning simulation to Veth’s? Put statues of Caduceus’ family to his room?”

“I would never do any of that to you all.”

“Then why are you doing it to yourself? Why do you keep torturing yourself over and over again? Are you really so stupid that you think-”

“Beau, I don’t think that’s helpful right now,” Caduceus said.

“Someone’s gotta call him out on this bullshit!”

Yasha stood up. “I don’t think anger is doing him much good.” She extended a hand to Beau. “Let’s try to cool off.”

“Right. Fine.” She accepted the hand. Beau gave Caleb a light pat on the shoulder and muttered “Sorry,” as the two of them left.

Caduceus watched them exit the room before turning his attention back to Caleb. “Can you tell us what the purpose of that floor is? Take your time. I know this is difficult to discuss.”

“I… I need to remember. What he did to us. What I did to others.”

“But you didn’t forget those things before the tower,” Jester said.

Caleb smiled weakly. “No, I do not mean… I can’t forget what it means about me. I can’t… whenI told you all about my parents, you told me it wasn’t my fault. You don’t blame me. I can’t let myself think like that. I need to remember.”

“Why?”

“Because… I am awful. There are very few redeemable things about me. One of those things is that I know I am awful, and I hate that. If I stop hating it, if I forgive myself, then what is left? What stops Trent’s plans for me from succeeding? What stops me from becoming him?”

“From becoming...” Fjord mumbled. “Caleb, you are nothing like him. He experiments on children, tortures them, forces them to do awful things.”

“I was never forced to-”

“What would have happened if you said no?” Caleb didn’t respond. “I know there’s a lot about your time with that asshole that I know nothing about, but none of it is your fault. You were brainwashed, hurt, and scared.”

“Fjord is right,” Caduceus said. “You’ve described what Trent is doing as him ‘throwing children on the pyre.’ You were one of those children, an innocent hurt by the corrupt systems at play. You were able to escape those flames and find rain. You’re still burnt, but that’s okay. You’re here now, and you can heal if you will let us help you.”

“And what do you mean that’s the only redeemable thing about you?” Jester asked. “Look at this tower! Everything is so cool. Everyone’s room is perfect. Not only are you super powerful, but you spent eight months making this for us. Who else spends eight months working on a gift? You’re a really good friend.”

“I was… merely repaying your kindness. This is a thank you for your friendship.”

She scoffed. “You don’t thank people for being friends with you. That’s just stupid. If we didn’t like hanging out with you, then we wouldn’t do it.”

“If I might add,” Fjord said, “you are a very crucial part of this group. Without you, we don’t have any of this.” He gestured at the whole room. “We don’t even have that alarm spell. We lose Frumpkin, too. He’s been the first step for every stealth mission we’ve ever done. Even beyond all that, you help push the group in the right direction. You take the calculated risks that end up saving our lives. If you hadn’t given the Bright Queen that beacon, the war might still be happening right now. That chain in Rexxentrum might be broken.”

Caduceus tilted his head. “I don’t know if we should be defining Caleb by his usefulness right now, but-”

“No, of course not. What I’m trying to say is, you are a member of the Mighty Nein and will continue to be a member forever. We will always have each other's backs. We all care about you and don’t want you to suffer.”

Having finally calmed herself enough to find the right words, Veth walked over and climbed up on Caleb’s lap, putting the two of them face to face. “I love you, Caleb. I love you so much. You are smart and protective and kind and such a good friend and I love you for that. You don’t deserve any of the things that happened to you. I hate seeing you sad, but I’d rather be there to help you than know you’re sad and not be able to help. Let us help you, please. You aren’t who Trent tried to turn you into. You’re Caleb Widogast, and Caleb is amazing.” A lone tear streamed down Caleb’s cheek. Then another. Then another. Veth wiped them with her thumbs before pulling him in for a hug. “Please don’t hurt yourself anymore,” she whispered in his ear.

“Ich werde es versuchen, mein freund.”

* * *

Once the tears finally stopped, Caduceus took Caleb to his room for some tea. “This was a large step towards recovery,” he’d said. “I’m sure you are tired. Let’s rest for a bit. We can continue walking forward afterwards.”

Veth and Yeza huddled together on a couch while Fjord paced around the room. Jester sighed. “I can’t believe Divine Intervention finally worked and all it did was make everyone sad.”

“No,” Fjord said, “this is a lot to process, but it’s good that we know.” Beau and Yasha came back into the room. Beau collapsed on one of the couches and groaned. “Everything alright with you two?”

“No, this fucking sucks. Caleb’s acting like an idiot. Like, I know it isn’t his fault, but still. What the fuck made him think that was a good idea?”

“It’s no different than what I did at the fight club,” Yasha said, taking a seat next to her.

“I don’t know what made you think  _ that  _ was a good idea, either. I don’t think I’m ever gonna get this. I’ve done self destructive shit before, but that was like, with alcohol and stuff. It made me feel good. I never tried to make myself feel worse.”

“I don’t exactly understand it either, but I think we need to try to,” Fjord said. “Obviously we aren’t as good at reading him as we thought. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to hide this.”

Veth nodded. “I should’ve noticed. I’ve known him for so long. I remember how he was when we first met, how scared he was. I knew he was hurting, I just… I wanted him to be okay.” The thought of Caleb alone in that room, forcing himself to sleep in the same room he was once tortured in, made her want to cry again.

Yeza wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I think he was doing his best to make sure no one knew he wasn’t. It’s not your fault that you didn’t see through that.” Veth smiled. ‘He probably has no idea what’s going on, but he still knows exactly what to say.’

“Okay, but what do we do now, you guys?” Jester asked.

“Talking was a good start,” Caduceus said as he entered the room.

Beau sat up to make room for him to sit down. “Where’s Caleb. He doing okay?”

“As okay as he can be at the moment. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep. It can be exhausting to open up like that. I’m glad he was able to do it.”

“So, what? Are we just supposed to wait until he’s up to talking again.”

“Well, it is always best to let him open up on his own, but we should definitely look out for signs that something might be wrong. We’ll take the initiative when we have to, but for the most part Caleb should set the pace.”

“Screw that. I can’t know this tower has a fucking torture chamber in it and not do anything about it.”

“I don’t know if we can fix that right now, but I do have one idea,” Fjord said. “Do we have any paper around here?”

Yeza stood up. “I’ll get some for you all.”

“What’s the plan?” Veth asked.

“Caleb designed all of these amazing, very personal rooms for us. Why don’t we design one for him?”

Jester clapped. “That’s an amazing idea! I’ve never designed a room before!”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Yasha said. “I don’t like the idea of him sleeping in such a plain room when I have a moving mural and bugs.”

“Yeah, no one who gives me a ceiling mirror is sleeping in that weak-ass room.

* * *

A few hours later, they’d decided on a design. The first room will have a private reading nook, complete with Frumpkin bookmarks and the world’s most comfortable recliner. The walls will all be amber, because despite what Caleb had said that was clearly his favorite color. The room will also have a large assortment of cat toys for Frumpkin. The bathroom remained largely unchanged except Veth had the idea to put a table in there so Caleb could read and bathe at the same time.

The bedroom will be covered in Amber wallpaper decorated with little flames, cats, and books. The silk bed sheets will have the symbols for the various types of magic. Caduceus had the brilliant idea to always have a cat near him that could go get someone if Caleb had a nightmare or othersides needed someone to talk to. The room will also have a rope similar to the one in Beau’s room. Instead of a mirror, pulling the rope reveals a large mural above the bed of Caleb’s best moments: delivering the beacon to the Bright Queen, helping Veth change back into a halfling, the drinking contest, ect.

Caleb entered the library soon after they completed the design. “Hello. I’m sorry to interrupt whatever it is that you are doing, but I will need to recast the spell soon.”

“Caleb!” Veth ran over to him with the blueprint. “Look what we made.”

He took a few moments to examine the pages, letting their meaning sink in. “This is… for me?”

“Well, you spend all that time making rooms for us,” Caduceus said. “This is just us returning the favor.”

He nodded. “Thank you. Thank you very much.”

“How long will it take for you to add that? Fjord asked.

“Oh, I can make changes to the tower as I wish. The difficult part was learning the spell and designing the rooms. You have done that for me.”

“Sleepover in Caleb’s room!” Jester cheered. “Come on. Let’s leave so Caleb can recast the spell with that cool new awesome room.”

Everyone started to leave when Beau spoke. “Wait. I…. I wanna apologize for getting mad earlier. I don’t like it when you guys are hurt, so it’s hard when you hurt yourself. I wasn’t actually mad at you. This all just fucking sucks.”

Caleb nodded. “It’s alright. I’ll try to do less ‘masochistic bullshit’.”

“Oh, you better.”

Everyone left the tower, allowing Caleb to create a new and improved one. Veth wished more than anything that she could fix Caleb’s mind just as easily. Convincing him to forgive himself will take a lot of time and effort, but everyone in the Mighty Nein was more than willing to put in the work. Anything for their no-longer-stinky wizard.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this story. I'm very glad to be caught up so I can start writing fanfiction for this fandom. Sadly, I think I picked the worst possible time get caught up. Not only do we need to wait two weeks for the next episode after binging the series for three weeks straight, but that was possibly the biggest cliffhanger of the entire show. I'm not blaming the cast at all. I know they all have personal lives that sometimes get in the way of playing, but it's just really bad timing. Oh well. At least I get to fill this time with ANGST!  
> If you have any issues with my writing or the story, please let me know. This is my first time writing these characters so I'm sure my characterization is at least a little bit off. That should get better as I write more stories for this fandom.


End file.
